The mind is a powerful friend or enemy
I’ve had a rather quiet holiday period due to being laid up with an injury and missing out on my planned trip to Northumberland to go stargazing. I’ve had lots of time to think, rewind, review and find the golden nuggets in the experiences of the past year.
One thought that came up time and time again also relates strongly to my love for solo travel: Why are so many women so terrified and scared of travelling alone? What is the reason behind this almost primal fear - fear of being abused, fear of being hurt, fear of getting lost, fear of not coping, fear of being incapable, fear of being alone?
Many of the posts in the travel groups I’m a member of as well as countless messages in my inbox before every one of my own trips reflect this deep discomfort of women with the idea of solo travel.
I really want to understand where this fear comes from as I don’t feel it at all. I am perfectly comfortable experiencing any situation on my travels - in fact I thrive on the unknown and enjoy my own company. I guess I’m lucky that way.
I want to deeply understand why these women feel the way they do as I am writing my first travel book and want to be as inclusive as possible and address every fear and worry. I know that this fear is real and would passionately love to help resolve it so that women can enjoy the true beauty and power of solo travel. I feel upset that they are missing out on so much joy!
I’ve also made the observation that those women who always fear the worst usually get to experience exactly what they are afraid of. They project their negative thoughts and are like a huge magnet for bad luck. It’s the law of attraction at work in real life situations.
When I was lying in hospital after my emergency hernia surgery, the same topic came up yet again. I was on a hernia ward for women. The three other women in the same room had all been there for a very long time. The one thing that struck me about all was that they were each indulging themselves in extreme self-pity.
One lady was so angry about her fate that she kept verbally lashing out at all the nurses, doctors and carers. She blamed her condition and just about any other bad luck in her life on them and treated them not very nice at all, to put it mildly.
Not surprisingly, she got the worst of treatments in return and everyone was avoiding her bed whenever possible. She got exactly what she gave. But this reconfirmed her thoughts that everyone was treating her with malice - a vicious circle in her head that was keeping her body frail and infirm at the same time.
Another elderly lady was lying there entirely giving up on herself and crying away all day and night, refusing her food and physically hitting the nurses when they came near the bed to help her. She, also, was expecting only the worst and was getting everything she was thinking of. She refused all help so ended up not getting any. You could see how tired the nurses were trying to keep their cool on top of the huge pressure they were already under.
The third lady was just lying in her bed trying to be invisible and not there at all, occasionally phoning her husband and begging him to come. The poor chap stood no change explaining to her that he was not allowed in the hospital except for the one visiting hour per day and that he was not getting any time off work. So she just curled up and suffered away without accepting any kind word or encouragement from anyone. She retreated into her own world of misery. And everyone ignored her in return.
Each one of these three ladies was expecting hell and living it as a result.
I don’t want in any way ignore or belittle the suffering they were experiencing, it was very real indeed and I wanted to go and hug each one of them and tell them that all would be alright. But I don’t think I would have got through even if I’d been in a physical condition to do so as they had all closed themselves off from the world.
I am very lucky that I’m a 100% optimist by nature. I always believe the best in every situation. I can’t help it, my glass is always half full. Even when things are at their worst, I search for the silver lining.
When I was taken to the hospital in the ambulance, I was in a pretty bad shape - four hours away from needing my guts removed and a stoma bag fitted. Pretty bad indeed. Yet, even in my morphine-induced stupour, I couldn’t help but marvel at how nice and helpful everyone was. I was in the hospital the night of the first strike of our national health system, so it was chaotic and everyone was super busy and worked off their feet.
Yet there they all were, at four in the morning, making sure I was comfortable and looked after and diagnosed as quickly as possible. Yes, some of the nurses were short-tempered and gruff, but who can honestly blame them? They’d most likely been on a sixteen-hour shift or something as brutal as that - the reason for the strikes in the first place.
Just being myself, even in that dire condition, I smiled at everyone and said thank you for every bit of help I was given. And I got smiles and kindness in return. I got the best treatment ever. I was dealt with efficiently and immediately and the surgery was a total success.
Once awake, I was told that I’d be in the hospital for about three to four days. But by the next morning I was already up and walking and surprising everybody with my can-do attitude to healing and was sent home straight away to recover in the comfort of my own home. When I left the ward, all of the nurses waved goodbye and wished me well.
I strongly believe that the mind plays a cricial role in all of our life experiences and this incident re-confirmed this belief to me. There is no way that I want to write off the three ladies’ suffering. It was very real to them at that point in time and not to be dismissed in any way.
But it also made me realise how powerful our mind really is. It makes the difference between joy and suffering, the glass half full or half empty. It’s all a matter of perspective. Do we want to pick out the best or worst aspects of every situation? Are we focused on the negatives or the positives? Can we glean some positive outcome even when things go wrong?
And this applies to all areas of life, including travelling solo as a woman. Do we focus on the fear and the possibilities of everything that can go wrong or do we focus on the excitement and beauty of the things that we’ll experience on a trip?
Do we focus on the potential pitfalls or joy? Do we automatically expect life to throw us a curveball or do we trust that all will be well? The choice is always ours. Believing that bad things will happen to us is choosing to become a victim. Believing that our own responses are what often makes a situation good or bad is taking back our power.
I’m passionate about travelling solo. It gives you the opportunity to stand on your own feet, feel your own power and capabilities, to explore and push your own boundaries, to leave your comfort zone and experience the glorious life in full Technicolor that lies beyond it.
And I wish from the bottom of my heart, that more women manage to work through their fears and to emerge as the beautiful and powerful human beings they truly are. I wish that more women find their true meaning and purpose and drink deeply from that golden chalice that is life. And I wish that by writing about my travels, I can help some women overcome their fears. That alone makes everything worthwhile to me.
I wish you all the most amazing year ever in 2023 and lots of rewarding, immersive and fear-free travel! I’m excited to read your posts about your wonderful, exciting and adventurous trips! Let’s start a healthy discussion about fear and limiting beliefs here, I’d love to hear your views and opinions!